Finishing Up Summer

It is so sad to think that summer is almost over. By the time school starts I will have had a 7 month break. I am so thankful and greatful and lucky that I will have been able to be a stay at home mom for just about 6 months of my boys lives. With all of my heart I wish I could continue to be a stay at mom forever, or at least until all of my kids are in school. Unfortunetly at this time I can't. However, I have to remember that one of the main reasons I became a teacher was because of all the 'days off' and summer vacation. Too bad I didn't know before I became a teacher that all of the 'days off' aren't really days off. A lot of teachers I know, myself included, work on our days off. We are always thinking about our students and what more we could do. We (or at least I) always bring work home. People say to me, "At least you only work until 3:30." I just laugh at that. My first year teaching I didn't get home until 9pm. I HAVE gotten better every year that I have been teaching, however there are still late nights. I hope that I will continue to get home earlier and earlier. Now that I have my babes at home I know that I will do my best to run out of the building as QUICKLY as I can.

I'm sure you are asking yourselves, "What is she going to do with her babes now that she has to go to work?" I looked into a bunch of different possibilities for the boys. At first I wanted to go with a Nanny. However, we just couldn't afford it. So then I decided I would want to bring the babes to someones house. That way they would have a little bit more of an intimate setting. However, at home Nannys were also too expensive. So I decided to look into at home daycares. After I called a bunch of different people that have at home daycares I decided I didn't want to bring the babes there either. Each person I called with an at home daycare I called before school let out and I talked to each of them during the 'school day' for over an hour. I didn't like the idea that they were completly ok with talking to me for that long with their 'charges' running around. So the last option we had was to look at actual daycares. There are 3 in our area that accept babes. I took Jon with me to see one. I felt that it was dirty, however, I really liked the owner. Jon thought it was fine. He wasn't happy that we had to do this at all and kinda shut down. So I decided I wasn't going to take him with me anymore. I called my mom and asked her to come look at daycare options with me. I was a little nervous having her come with me for some different reasons, but was SO happy that she did. When we got in the car I told her that we were going to go look at 2 places and that I didn't want her to say anything when we were there. I told her to even keep her opinions to herself when we got in the car and that we would say what we liked and didn't like after we saw both places. It worked out really great! We first went to the one that Jon and I went to. Then we went to the second place. After seeing each place we sat in the car and listed what we liked and didn't like. It was so helpful to have a 2nd pair of eyes. I really liked the second place, but after discussing it with my mom I decided it wouldn't be the best place for my babes. She saw things that I completely missed. After talking through the places I was sick to my stomach. I HATED both of these places. Of course I was thinking I'm sure I hate it because I HATE the idea that I'm not going to be their 24 hour care giver. Then I decided I wanted to go see the 3rd place. I originally didn't want to see it becuase I knew it was going to be WAY to much money. Well, we walked in and we both LOVED it! My mom didn't say anything when we were there, but I could tell she loved it, I mean come on, how couldn't you. After seeing the facilities we sat down with the director and I knew that she was going to give me some financially bad news. I was dreading hearing the price, I knew it was going to be too much money. Let me tell you...IT WAS! However, because I am a teacher I get an awesome discount. This place is only $69 more than the place I was 'ok' with. We got in the car and I was almost excited.

I am still so depressed that I am not going to be my babes 24 hour care provider. I am terrified that their demenors and personalities are going to change so much. I know that they will and that they would even if they were home with me, but I am so scared that I will not ugh, I don't know, have control over it. I am crying at the computer knowing that I will very possibly miss the first time they sit up on their own, crawl, take their first steps, etc. .....

well now that I am bawling my eyes out, I am going to show you a sweet picture of me and the babes and finish crying in bed.